Monday, July 11, 2011

Lost Moments

The other day when I was at work I met this lady that had VERY minimal use of her legs. I was pushing her wheelchair and she was telling me about her family reunion vacation to Costa Rica. It was really cool to hear but she told me that her bags and her personal wheelchair got left in Dallas when she was transferring planes. But all she had to say about it were positive things. That if her wheelchair wasn't found that she hoped it went to someone who needed it more than she did. And that clothes were just clothes. I wish I could be more that like that. And have friends like that. I am slowing starting to get there. Not let little things bother me so much. Growing up is hard and it makes it even worse when you end up growing apart from someone that meant so much to you at a time in your life. When someone was the person you loved and told everything to one day and a completely different person the next. Change happens for good and for worse. I know that this really shouldn't be coming to my mind because of all the crap that she been putting me through lately when I'm just trying to move on with my life, but I miss old times. When I had someone to call up when I was bored and just wanted to talk about anything and nothing at the same time. When I could count on that person always being there for me and me being there for her. But that is all in the past. We are different people now. I am a better person now and I am finally starting to be proud of myself and my accomplishments. YAY!! Well until next time.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Kicking my life into gear!

I know I haven't posted in a REALLY long time. I'm sorry for that. I felt like posting today because I have been in a slightly down mood lately. I have been having a lot of anxiety and been under a lot of stress. I have decided to kick my butt into gear and not take the easy way out of life. I am going to start working out daily and not using not being able to go to the gym as a way out. I have plenty of options at home. DUH!

What I mainly wanted this post to be about was friends. I came across this quote today and it really sung to my heart:
" A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."
- Arabian Proverb
 I thought had a friend like that. But I was wrong. I need to find one who will truely be there for me. One that is happy for me when I succeed and build me up with an annoyingly cheesy pep talk when I don't. haha. I have found that in the love of my life. He is the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with. I am truly happy with him.
But there are just some things in life that a significant other just can't fulfill. I need girl time with my best girl friend. Someone that can live up to what I thought she was. It makes me sad that I feel like calling her up and saying I'm sorry. But I'm sorry can't fix what we have done. Nothing can. They say that time heals everything. Not this. :(

But! It's time to pick my head up and get out there. Surround myself with love and positive people. I got a job where I get exactly that. The people there can make laugh like no other. I almost peed myself at my last shift. It's amazing what a simple job can do for you mood and self-esteem. I work wheelchairs at the airport. I get to meet so many nice people who I can hear what there life is about and get some great advice. I love meeting new people. Especially the elderly because they have so much life experience to share.
AHHH I love being alive.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Stolen Goodbye

My great-grandpa died a few days ago. It really hit me hard. It was his time to go but it still kind of feels unfair. I don't think anyone could really understand how much I loved him and how much I looked up to him. I remember him from when I was little. He was so kind and would just get so excited to see him. As we get older we grow wiser and more refined. But what I failed to realize was that it could stop at some time. That he could forget who I am.  That goodbye becomes irrelevant. Home is where the heart is, it's true. And I still believe he still knows where his heart is. I have lost what was never meant to be lost. And it happens so quietly, I didn't even notice. But it's not something you expect. Today, what is broken, no one can fix.
His immortality in my eyes instantly dissolved.
I start to forget French humor.
He fades.
At my first encounter with death, I realized that everyone will one day be gone. That he is be gone. But no matter what he will always be in my heart. I love you grandpa.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Sorry I have been gone for so long. A lot has happened within the last month. Unfortunately my father-in-law-to-be passed away this week. My thoughts are with him and I hope that he is no longer in pain and that his soul can be free. I hope he knows that in the short time I knew him that I came to love him.

In other happier new MCP Actions and Designs by Amie are doing a giveaway. For an iPad 2 no less. It would really help me out and I hope I win. You all can enter too!

Monday, May 16, 2011

365 Separated

For those of you who actually follow this blog, I will be starting a new 365 on May 25. I failed the first one because I left my battery in Las Vegas and don't have a back up. Smart Arielle! Anyways, so I haven't done a picture in about two-three weeks. I find it cheating to just put the project on hold, so I declared it a failure. I want to see this through no matter how many attempts it takes. For now on my 365 will be a separate blog. It will be called My Magical 365 Journey. Only for my 365 and describing my emotion behind the picture. If you want to follow my day-to-day life, this blog is where you should be. Thanks a bunch for all your support!!

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

In the photography business, or any creative profession really, there will be haters. People who want to bring you down and tell you how you are doing things wrong and the way you live your life is going to send you to Hell. Well, I personally hate haters. They have every right to their opinion as much as I do. Of course freedom of speech, blah blah blah. But I have found that the only way to not have those kinds of things affect me... is to not look. I live my life the way I believe it should be lived. I state my opinion the way I feel it. You don't like it you say? DON'T LOOK! VoilĂ ! It's magic. Out of site out of mind. My life is my life, everybody elses is everybody elses.

No matter what people say about me or who they think I am, no one can tell me what I can and can't do. I will be more amazing that you can comprehend. I already am amazing. I do what I do with a worse camera than you and a kit lens. So screw you. I am a much better artist than you and I will reward myself and one up myself every chance I get because I deserve it. And I won't let you or anyone else stand in my way.

Relationships of every kind end for many reasons. Misunderstandings, hurtful words are exchanged, lack of communication, and most importantly refusing to listen. People can change, they do everyday. For better and for worse. And I don't think someone can truly understand that until they have loved and lost. How many people over how many centuries have discovered that it is better if you set out each day with love in your heart, free of judgement either of yourself or others and willing to learn something about whatever happens to you?
And how many of us remember this?
I know that I have amazing days when I keep the right frame of mind and crappy ones when I don't. And the really trick thing about looking at things this way is that when you get good at it even the crappy days are amazing!

So because of me leaving my battery in Vegas my 365 was ruined. I am going to start a whole new one on May 25. It's the anniversary of the man I will be calling my husband. He is soo amazing and so supportive. I couldn't imagine having anyone else by my side. I will conquer the 365 and it will be fantastic. I love me! I love my life. 

Friday, May 13, 2011

Moving On Up

 I will probably be starting up my 365 again soon. I will be getting my battery back hopefully. I am super excited. I have been going through withdrawals.
I also have another wedding lined up. In June. It's an out of state wedding. I can't wait. I will have my new camera by then but probably not all the other stuff. But that's ok because I work well with the lenses I have now.

Ok, so I am getting ready to make a very large investment into my Photography future. I won't be buying photography equipment for a very long time. I am really excited for this and can't wait to get a move on on my career. I have been trying to sell my Nikon D40. But I 'm thinking that if my aunt doesn't buy it than I'm just going to keep it. Then I will have two cameras with different lenses on them and it will be quicker than a lens change.

Are you ready for the show? Lights, Camera ;), Action... here we go. (Excuse the Pun hehe)
Starting with the star of the show...
The Nikon D5100 | I am sooo excited to have this camera. I have done a lot of research and this is the best camera for me!

Now  lenses and things I am planning on getting.
All this stuff will not all be happening at once. I plan to get it slowly over the next year or so. 
  1. The Wide Angle & Macro Lens
    1. I want this lens adapter because I take really good macros already with the kit I have to I just want something small and inexpensive to enhance and add that little extra oomph to my pictures. 
  2. The Fisheye Lens
    •  I have always been intrigued by fish-eye pictures and I know that I can do great things with it.
  3. The Bokeh Kit
    • I have tried this on my own before and I just can't get the hang of it. So I admit I need a little help.
  4. The White Balance Lens Cap
    • This always have trouble with the color in my pictures. I went through a really bad shoot where I completely messed up. I want this a
  5. The Super-Secret Spy Lens
    •  This just looks really fun to me. I couldn't resist.
  6. The Camera Strap Buddy
    •  When I am walking with my camera on I have, more than once hit it against something. This is just a very practical idea. 

    These are all pretty self explanatory. It's just protection and cleaning supplies.
      1. LensPen Camera Cleaning Kit
        •  These have a carbon compound on the end that is really good for lens cleaning. And a brush to wipe away dust.
      2. Nikon Microfiber Cleaning Cloth 
        •  Just another cleaning cloth good for the screen and viewfinder.
      3. Zeikos Dust Blower
        •  To blow dust out of the camera body and and lenses.
      4. TrueVue Anti-glare Digital Camera Screen Protector
        •  A protector for my screen. DUH! haha
      5. 16 GB Flash Memory Card
        •  Memory card. I need a new one.
      6. Nikon EN-EL14 Rechargeable Li-Ion Battery
        •  Extra battery
      7. Opteka Flash Diffuser 
        •  Attaches to my external flash to diffuse light and lighten shadows.
      8. Lens Cap Keeper (Picture not shown)
        • I got this because I can't seen to stop losing my lens caps. :(

          1. Nikon 50mm f/1.8D AF Nikkor Lens
            • I have asked a lot of my photog inspirations and most of them recommend this lens for portraits. And I that what I want the majority of my career to entail.
          2. 52mm Filter Kit (UV-CPL-FLD) 
            • UV Protective Filter: Prevents loss of sharpness and contrast by filtering out UV rays and Haze. 
            • CPL Circular Polarizer Filter:  Gives better control of color saturation, make skies bluer, grass greener-even eliminate surface reflections from glass and water.
            • FLD Fluorescent Filter: Eliminates that annoying greenish "tinge" fluorescent lights create.

          The Monopod is a little easier 
          to carry around than a tripod. 
          Adds a little more stabilization 
          than handheld but a little less 
          setting up compared to a
           Accessories just cuz I wanna
            1. Camera Lens Cap Pocket
              • I ALWAYS leave my lens cap places. I hate it. So now I am getting things to try and break me from that habit.
            2. Animal Print (Purple) Camera Strap 
              •  This is just because. I love animal print. And I love purple. YAY!! I can't chose between this one and the purple crocodile. 
            Camera Bag
              1.  Kelly Moore Classic Bag | Purple 
                • The camera bag I have now is just not very convenient. It takes forever for me to get into it to do a lens change and it's just not very attractive. So I found theses. I fell in love. Nuf said!
                One more thing!!

                Wait for it....

                Wait for it.... 

                I'm getting one of these!
                1. Barnes & Noble NOOK COLOR
                  • I LOVE books. I am going to the library all the time. I can't wait to just have thousands of books at the palm of my hand. 
                2. Alligator Flip Case 
                  • It needs a case to protect it. And of course it has to be purple.
                3. Black Woodgrain Nook Skin 
                  • I want this to add a little pizzaz to my Kindle.

                    Wednesday, May 11, 2011

                    I am one hot, sexy bundle of love.

                    About 2 1/2 years ago I decided that I needed to make some changes in my life. Not only externally, but internally as well. I had not idea how to change, nor did I have any perception of where I would end up. All I knew was that my way of thinking, living and interacting with people was not how I wanted it to be. I simply lived in a little bubble pretending to be something I wasn't. That was how it was for a while until I could no longer suppress the intensity of unease I felt in every cell of my body. 
                    So by graduation I finally I let go of everything. Decided that I was going to go for what I wanted and not let anyone stand in my way. I needed perspective of what life is all about. One huge life lesson I learned pretty quickly was that I can't escape how I feel inside. I need to own it and express it. Holding it in was eating me away and tearing at my core. This in turn made me realize that before I could start anything else in my life I had to create an inner peace first. Loving myself on the outside to create acceptance on the inside. No idea how I would do that though... 
                    Not Sure 
                    But life always gives you what you need. Although it took me a while to truly understand that inner peace isn't something I can deal with later. I have to actually devote my attention and time into creating it now. It won't just appear one morning. It's a process. And up until about six months ago I had no idea why I even tried to create inner peace so badly. I just felt like it was something I really needed to do. 
                    I had hear about books like "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, and I think. What a load of crock. I think that kind of stuff is stupid. You make your own life what you want it to be by hard work. And loving yourself for who you are takes time and patience. Tools like looking in the mirror naked and telling yourself out loud that you are beautiful. So I Googled things like that and decided to give it a try. Now I had some tools to work with. Yay! 
                    Changing My World 
                    Although my inner peace and I are not 100%t connected yet, part of it is with me. And it's truly a wonderful, calm and happy place to see and experience the world from. A complete opposite from the world I lived in 2 1/2 years ago. It also shows me that it is indeed my inner state that creates my outer world. And opens up a whole lot of new opportunities I never thought possible. Because as I have changed from within - the world has changed with me. But I haven't changed the world - only how I perceive and interact with it. Which is what truly makes all the difference.

                    Still Learning
                    This isn't a story about a past revelation that occurred. It is a work in progress. My perception of myself is still very rocky. But deep down I know I am beautiful the way I am and I always will be. The only thing that needs to change is my health. I need to lose weight to be healthy, not happy.

                    Friday, May 6, 2011

                    "Do nothing to mar it's grandeur for the ages have been at work on it and man cannot improve it. Keep it for your children, your children's children, and all who come after you." -Theodore Roosevelt-

                    I went to the Grand Canyon on Tuesday. It was one of most awe inspiring moments of my life. It is one of the seven wonders of the world and now I know why. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It was really great getting to see it with my family. I'm glad we went. I am very thankful to my mom for deciding to take us on our way back from Vegas. THANK YOU MOM!!

                    The canyon was sooo beautiful. The colors were soo amazing. 

                    It wasn't just the scenery that was beautiful. There were so many visually stunning plants. I didn't have time to capture them all because my camera died halfway through the trip. Bummer. I did get all these great pics so I was really grateful to get to just enjoy the view.

                    We saw so many elk up there too. And they were very patient with everyone taking their picture. They first one was there when we got there and had been there for a while apparently and just stood there and let everyone take her picture. She was so beautiful. And about 15 minutes later we came upon a herd or whatever of them. About five all together. They got scared away by the girls being loud and fighting. Which sucked but I got a really nice picture of a young buck that was just getting in his horns. 

                    We met a lot of really interesting people too. We met two guys from New York. They were awesome. Said they were musicians I think. I wasn't paying too much attention because I was taking pictures of the Elk. We also met some REALLY COOL guys from Brazil. They mocked my mom when she was whining for me to not go out onto the ledge. Haha. It was hilarious. And last but, not least, we met this huge tour group of french people. They would not stop fighting and their tour guide that had a very thick french accent was from New York. He told us that french people are really frustrating and that it wasn't worth it going to France. haha. He made me laugh so hard. 

                    A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

                    I got back from my vacation in Arizona on Wednesday. The trip can basically be summed up by apple sauce, fruit juice, pottery painting, canvas painting, shopping DIVA's, golf cart, bicycle built for two, amazing food, family and LOVE. A LOT of inside jokes in that sentence. It was really great time. I needed it too. An escape from the drama I call my life. Of course going to Arizona was not an escape lol but it was fun none the less. The most fun I have had in a really long time. 

                    As You Wish is a really great pottery painting place. Unfortunately they only have locations in Arizona. We painted plates there on Friday. I made mine and fell in love with it. I only wish George and I had decided to change the date back before I made it. But oh well. I still love it.

                    I also got to meet baby Christoper! I was super exited. He is adorable. Sooo giggly and has the cutest smile EVER! Poor thing was tired and hungry though so he wasn't such a happy baby for long. 

                    See? Cutest smile EVER! 

                    The girls loved him to pieces. Ava got to feed him. She was afraid of burping him because she didn't want to tap his back too hard. Lol. She is cute.

                     Being Joe Cool with his sunglasses!

                    The nature in Arizona is AMAZING. Beautiful blooming cacti everywhere. The flowers are exotic and beautiful. And where there are flowers... there are bees. I almost got stung by one but for the most part they would just fly right in front of my camera onto the flower and just hang there. It was awesome.

                     Overall this was a very pleasing vacation. Just what I needed. Thanks for the fruit juice Nik! 

                    Thursday, May 5, 2011

                    Another day, another round of drama.

                    So let's just say that my life is a little crazy right now. I have to postpone my 365 for a little bit seeing as how I left my camera battery in Las Vegas. Go me, right? I'm hoping to get it back within a week. Here's to hoping. I feel really weird not having my camera. I have had it available to me for the past four years of my life. Everyday. And it makes me feel really, what's the best way to put it... helpless. I can't do anything about it. I don't like it.

                    I guess I can take this time to make my blog a little more personal and put a little more me into it. I had it pointed out to me that my blog consisted of just a picture and a sentence or two describing it. That is not what I wanted this blog to be about. I wanted it to be an online journal of sorts to sort through my thoughts and own my feeling. And that is what I plan to do.

                    I have made the decision to sell my camera a buy a new one. It's a Nikon D40 w/ a 18-55mm lens. I'm hoping to sell it for around $200-$300. Well, whether or not I sell it I'm buying a new one. I need a new one. I'm planning on buying the Nikon D5100. I want to buy it as soon as June. I'm planning on buying that and maybe a new lens too. I will have to see how much I get in loans for Summer semester. I do have a wedding to save up for after all. But that is a year away so hopefully I will be able to swing this.

                    I was debating whether or not to bring this up but then I thought, this is MY blog, MY life, and MY thoughts and I can put them where I please right? Right. I love my life. I love the people I choose to surround myself with. They make me a better person. I choose not to involve people in my life that I don't feel deserve to be in it. That is that. I have a right to my feelings and I will own what I say no matter what it is. My posts are here and they will stay here for however long internet is around for.

                    And I also want to talk about bribes. Not little things like I will give you a piece a candy if you will let me take your pictures. No, but real down and dirty bribes. To bribe is to persuade (someone) to act in one's favor, typically illegally or dishonestly, by a gift of money or other inducement. Via Google of course. To say one will do something and then say but only if you will do that will benefit me is not only sick but it is dirty and wrong. Yes I need money because I have bills to pay and a child to help support. But I do not under any circumstances want dirty money. Nor will I comply to someone who thinks that way. I believe in Karma. I also believe in energy. That people have energy, actions have energy. And taking a bribe like that is poisonous energy and I won't have it in my life. I have turned my life completely around since high school and it has been hard work. I will not allow anyone to get in the way of that. Family or not. Friend or not. Either way. If you get in my way of happiness. Then I don't allow you in my life.

                    Past is past, the present is now, and the future is yet to come. Change is possible.

                    Wednesday, March 9, 2011

                    First Blog Post!!

                    This is an important moment for me! This is the first blog I’ve ever written. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but wasn’t sure how to do it, where, when, or even if. And finally, now here I am. People say that blogs are like a diary. Do I hide it under my bed, lock it with a key? Tell it all my secrets? It seems like a wonderful place to share my thoughts, worries, and my passions. A place to sort things out ya know? It’s going to be fun sharing my thoughts with you, outside the context of normal conversation... But the issue here is that I never really know what to say. What people want to hear and what people don't really give a crap about. And really I worry that no one will even be reading. That I would be writing this for nothing. Can I talk about personal issues here, how much should I reveal about family etc? I could keep everything general and abstract but it would be hard not to refer to what is happening to me day to day.
                    Hmmmm don't know the answer. Guess I'll keep going until I stop! I've tried to keep a diary at various points in my life and never had the discipline to keep them going. I wonder if doing it on my computer will make it any easier. I spend enough hours with it on my lap, so I should be able to find ten minutes or so now and then to "put pen to paper". Right? Of course Arielle, you say.