Life is just complicated.

Why does life target us when we are the most vulnerable?  I have stuck in a nostalgia for the past few weeks. Not necessarily wanting to go back but just missing what was. Missing the way the people of my past made me feel. The love, the support. As far as a romantic relationship goes I could definitely do better. And I know that. I would not change being friends with my ex because we are better at being friend than we ever were at being in a relationship but I miss what being in a relationship felt like? Know what I mean. And as best friends go I could talk to her about everything. I felt like I wasn't alone in life. The way she made me feel was unbeatable. But I felt like that was very one sided. She would not confide in me the way I did for her. Sigh.  And for any kind of relationship to work it takes two to give 100%. And I know that. I just have that feeling of everything wanting to be perfect. But alas I have the life I have for a reason and I will find that reason eventually. Just takes work and determination.

And I just got a message from an ex friend of mine. Our relationship did not end well at all. She wants to talk and I don't know what to say or do. I'm just confused. Life is complicated.

Lost Moments

The other day when I was at work I met this lady that had VERY minimal use of her legs. I was pushing her wheelchair and she was telling me about her family reunion vacation to Costa Rica. It was really cool to hear but she told me that her bags and her personal wheelchair got left in Dallas when she was transferring planes. But all she had to say about it were positive things. That if her wheelchair wasn't found that she hoped it went to someone who needed it more than she did. And that clothes were just clothes. I wish I could be more that like that. And have friends like that. I am slowing starting to get there. Not let little things bother me so much. Growing up is hard and it makes it even worse when you end up growing apart from someone that meant so much to you at a time in your life. When someone was the person you loved and told everything to one day and a completely different person the next. Change happens for good and for worse. I know that this really shouldn't be coming to my mind because of all the crap that she been putting me through lately when I'm just trying to move on with my life, but I miss old times. When I had someone to call up when I was bored and just wanted to talk about anything and nothing at the same time. When I could count on that person always being there for me and me being there for her. But that is all in the past. We are different people now. I am a better person now and I am finally starting to be proud of myself and my accomplishments. YAY!! Well until next time.

Kicking my life into gear!

I know I haven't posted in a REALLY long time. I'm sorry for that. I felt like posting today because I have been in a slightly down mood lately. I have been having a lot of anxiety and been under a lot of stress. I have decided to kick my butt into gear and not take the easy way out of life. I am going to start working out daily and not using not being able to go to the gym as a way out. I have plenty of options at home. DUH!

What I mainly wanted this post to be about was friends. I came across this quote today and it really sung to my heart:

" A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."
- Arabian Proverb

 I thought had a friend like that. But I was wrong. I need to find one who will truely be there for me. One that is happy for me when I succeed and build me up with an annoyingly cheesy pep talk when I don't. haha. I have found that in the love of my life. He is the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with. I am truly happy with him.
But there are just some things in life that a significant other just can't fulfill. I need girl time with my best girl friend. Someone that can live up to what I thought she was. It makes me sad that I feel like calling her up and saying I'm sorry. But I'm sorry can't fix what we have done. Nothing can. They say that time heals everything. Not this. :(

But! It's time to pick my head up and get out there. Surround myself with love and positive people. I got a job where I get exactly that. The people there can make laugh like no other. I almost peed myself at my last shift. It's amazing what a simple job can do for you mood and self-esteem. I work wheelchairs at the airport. I get to meet so many nice people who I can hear what there life is about and get some great advice. I love meeting new people. Especially the elderly because they have so much life experience to share.
AHHH I love being alive.

The Stolen Goodbye

My great-grandpa died a few days ago. It really hit me hard. It was his time to go but it still kind of feels unfair. I don't think anyone could really understand how much I loved him and how much I looked up to him. I remember him from when I was little. He was so kind and would just get so excited to see him. As we get older we grow wiser and more refined. But what I failed to realize was that it could stop at some time. That he could forget who I am.  That goodbye becomes irrelevant. Home is where the heart is, it's true. And I still believe he still knows where his heart is. I have lost what was never meant to be lost. And it happens so quietly, I didn't even notice. But it's not something you expect. Today, what is broken, no one can fix.
His immortality in my eyes instantly dissolved.
I start to forget French humor.
He fades.
At my first encounter with death, I realized that everyone will one day be gone. That he is be gone. But no matter what he will always be in my heart. I love you grandpa.

Sorry I have been gone for so long. A lot has happened within the last month. Unfortunately my father-in-law-to-be passed away this week. My thoughts are with him and I hope that he is no longer in pain and that his soul can be free. I hope he knows that in the short time I knew him that I came to love him.

In other happier new MCP Actions and Designs by Amie are doing a giveaway. For an iPad 2 no less. It would really help me out and I hope I win. You all can enter too!

365 Separated

For those of you who actually follow this blog, I will be starting a new 365 on May 25. I failed the first one because I left my battery in Las Vegas and don't have a back up. Smart Arielle! Anyways, so I haven't done a picture in about two-three weeks. I find it cheating to just put the project on hold, so I declared it a failure. I want to see this through no matter how many attempts it takes. For now on my 365 will be a separate blog. It will be called My Magical 365 Journey. Only for my 365 and describing my emotion behind the picture. If you want to follow my day-to-day life, this blog is where you should be. Thanks a bunch for all your support!!

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

In the photography business, or any creative profession really, there will be haters. People who want to bring you down and tell you how you are doing things wrong and the way you live your life is going to send you to Hell. Well, I personally hate haters. They have every right to their opinion as much as I do. Of course freedom of speech, blah blah blah. But I have found that the only way to not have those kinds of things affect me... is to not look. I live my life the way I believe it should be lived. I state my opinion the way I feel it. You don't like it you say? DON'T LOOK! Voilà! It's magic. Out of site out of mind. My life is my life, everybody elses is everybody elses.

No matter what people say about me or who they think I am, no one can tell me what I can and can't do. I will be more amazing that you can comprehend. I already am amazing. I do what I do with a worse camera than you and a kit lens. So screw you. I am a much better artist than you and I will reward myself and one up myself every chance I get because I deserve it. And I won't let you or anyone else stand in my way.

Relationships of every kind end for many reasons. Misunderstandings, hurtful words are exchanged, lack of communication, and most importantly refusing to listen. People can change, they do everyday. For better and for worse. And I don't think someone can truly understand that until they have loved and lost. How many people over how many centuries have discovered that it is better if you set out each day with love in your heart, free of judgement either of yourself or others and willing to learn something about whatever happens to you?

And how many of us remember this?

I know that I have amazing days when I keep the right frame of mind and crappy ones when I don't. And the really trick thing about looking at things this way is that when you get good at it even the crappy days are amazing!


So because of me leaving my battery in Vegas my 365 was ruined. I am going to start a whole new one on May 25. It's the anniversary of the man I will be calling my husband. He is soo amazing and so supportive. I couldn't imagine having anyone else by my side. I will conquer the 365 and it will be fantastic. I love me! I love my life.